Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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