Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
