Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
