Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
