I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she smelled like a LAN party
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
