My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
