i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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