we're chasing vodka with high fives
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
