I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
