Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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