Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
