I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
