i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
