I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
