i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
