Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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