you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
