I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
