12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
