I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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