My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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