you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
