ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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