the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
