I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
