Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
