Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
