am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want to be your penis for a week.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
