You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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