In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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