My nipple is on Facebook.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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