Pappa wants mamma naked
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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