Tell her she can't have a vagina
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
