I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
