Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My vagina just clenched in fear
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
