Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
oh god the rape fog is back!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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