i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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