you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
