so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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