Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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