He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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