ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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