i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
