i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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