Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
