my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
