i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
