a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
