In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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