How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
