Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
