this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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