I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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