You really coming over, don't trick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She bit a glass in half.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
